OK so I relapsed. I let the stress of my hectic life to trip me up. My intention is to start again tomorrow at the level I was at before my relapse–3 cigars per day.
Relapse
Apr 22
Thursday I had to drive to St. Paul for work, as mentioned in my previous blog. This is a 2 hour drive each way. I was unsuccessful in keeping to my quit smoking schedule. I smoked one more cigar than I planned to. So, what happens when the plan fails? Well, the answer is you need a plan for that. I’m not saying you should plan to fail, but you should have a plan if you fail. The first part of my failure plan is to avoid the negative self-talk that goes with failure. This is often when people say something like “I can’t do it” and start to smoke like there is no tomorrow. I am determined to quit smoking. So..Friday I got back to my schedule. Saturday was the same. My point here is that when you intend to change your behavior pattern in some way, you are using new skills. When you use new skills, you will not hit the bulls-eye every time. It does not mean you will ultimately fail. It means that if you temporarily slip into old behavior you can still succeed in the end.
This is the basic philosophy behind what is called “The Harm Reduction Model”. Harm Reduction is a treatment modality that is becoming widely used for addiction treatment. The basic idea is that many people are not ready or willing to quit using the chemical they are addicted to. However, they may agree that it is harmful to them in some way and agree to reduce their use and correspondingly, reduce the harm it does. The ultimate goal is abstention. This way you can work with people and teach them recovery principles and skills while they still are still using their drug of choice.
So I have my stated goal of quitting nicotine. However, I am not ready to quit cold-turkey. I am using all the skills I have at my disposal to learn new habits–and I will succeed.
More smoking reduction
Mar 17
My plan to quit smoking continues to go well. I had some cravings after lunch today so I went outside for a few minutes to check out the nice day. Soon the craving passed–as it always does. I find cravings are like a wave–they come, get stronger, if you don’t give in to them, they get weaker and pass. At least that’s what I tell my clients all the time. It seems to work. I have noticed that I seem to spend more time thinking about cravings than actually having them. Also I have been talking about my cravings–engaging my social support.
Truthfully, I have eased into this plan by cutting the easiest smokes–the ones that I did not look forward to. Since I have decided to cut back in the evening this week I have been pretty busy so it hasn’t been too bad craving-wise. Tomorrow I will be driving to St. Paul for a meeting. That is a two hour drive each way. I am a bit worried about that because I like smoking when I drive. I have been working on driving as a mindfulness practice. I will see how that works to reduce the cravings.
Quit Smoking Report
Mar 15
OK, here it is Monday night. I was concerned about how the weekend would go. I was able to keep to my reduced smoking schedule by keeping busy. I traditionally smoke more on the weekends and this was no exception. However, I did smoke less than previous weekends. Also, I find that when I meditate by directing my attention to joyful moments in the past my desire to smoke is less after–making it easier to ignore the urges. So, the question now is–What next?
I think starting tomorrow I will reduce smoking in the evening such that I smoke no more than 2 cigars after I get home from work. I will try tomorrow to smoke only one and see how it goes. Tomorrow should be fairly easy because I have a couple of social things after work.
I’m Quiting Smoking
Mar 11
It has been four days since I started on my “quit smoking adventure”. I have cut out two of my regular smokes each day–after lunch and before bed. I have had some cravings but have been able to direct my attention elsewhere. It has been fairly easy and I am reducing my nicotine level. The difficult time will be the weekend. I haven’t decided how I will handle that yet. The problem is that weekend days are less structured. My intent is to try to stay on the same smoking schedule as the weekdays by keeping busy and practicing mindfulness. I have decided to be nicotine free by May 15 (my birthday)–or before if possible.
Mindfulness comes into play here because when the cravings come I observe them, but know I don’t have to act on them. Like a wave they will come and they will go.
Smoking
Mar 10
Well. . . . I Skipped my last smoke before bed last night and it was fairly painless. Today I discovered that when I think about quitting I feel a bit of panic. That’s when I use mindfulness practice to direct my attention to other things. I direct my attention to times in my life when I felt joy. I reasoned that if people can “re-live” traumatic times as in the flashbacks experienced by people struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), then perhaps I could re-live joyful moments to support my decision to change. It seems to help so far. Additionally, I decided to omit my after lunch smoke. I supported that decision engaging my social support by discussing my decision to quit smoking to a colleague at work. Furthermore, I used all of my lunch break by getting my social needs met instead of getting my nicotine “needs” met. On the whole I would say my first day was successful.
Smoking
Mar 8
I have been smoking cigars for over 20 years. I have decide for various reasons to quit smoking cigars. I have decided chronicle my efforts here because I will use the techniques I discuss in this blog and my book to overcome this addiction. I have not set my quit date yet but I have decided to cut certain smoke times, starting with the last smoke before bed. I know that mindfulness practices will figure prominently in this project. Stay tuned.
My presentation last night went well. I’m not sure how many people were there, but it was a big room and it was pretty full. Invariably when I speak there are numerous people who come up to me after to ask advice to help someone close to them. That that tells me is that there is a lot of suffering out there.
Love Without Boundaries
Feb 11
Love Without Boundaries is a local advocacy group started and run by families of people with mental illnesses. They have invited me to speak on the ideas presented in my book. I will be speaking on March 4th at 7:00 PM at the Zions Lutheran Church in Litchfield MN. I appreciate the opportunity to share these ideas.
Coping With Loss
Jan 31
One week ago today my boss, Dr. Eugene Bonynge died quite suddenly. He was the CEO of Woodland Centers, an organization that provides mental health services to six counties in west central Minnesota. He was widely known and admired throughout the mental health system in this state. His sudden death was quite a shock to me personally as well as many others. I have been wondering all week how my contention that joy is the default state of the human mind applies in situations like this. I haven’t felt very joyful this week. We have a tendency at these time to remember previous losses. In my case I thought about the loss of my parents and a brother.
The conclusion I came to is this: The pain of loss will eventually heal, though we will always miss those who are important to us. Acceptance is key in the healing process. I also find it helpful to remember the gifts that person gave me. In the case of Dr. Bonynge the lessons he taught me, both professional and personal, will be with me always. Additionally, as I continue to direct my attention to the present moment I find comfort and even joy here–with others that share my loss. Joy is the default state of the human mind– unless something interferes. Death and loss are a part of everyone’s life. Learning how to cope with these is essential to maintaining your mental health and continuing to move in a positive direction on the mental health/spiritual continuum.
